Insecurities in Ministry

December provided another great trip to Uganda. Its beginning to sound repetitive but people's lives were changed through the experience without question. We've seen people meet Christ for the first time, have transitions in thought toward Christianity and missions, return to Charleston passionate about life and none of those take into account the impact we've had medically on the people of Masindi. I dont know that I've ever been a part of or seen an organization that is having this kind of intense impact in the lives of its volunteers. It's really got nothing to do with my role in it because I am simply here watching how God will lead and what He will continue to do. My biggest fear for the organization is that I will somehow get in His way and slow down what He is doing.

This is why I am baffled by my thoughts below...

It seems that over the past year, the one group of people I have had the hardest time getting to buy in to what we're doing is the church. Sure, they want us to provide opportunities for their people or they recognize that there is indeed some level of benefit to what we are doing but they are not really not that interested in what we are all about.

I see groups who will partner with us behind closed doors but dont want to recognize us in their church, any of their marketing and would really prefer that no one have any clue about who we are. I also see churches that will not support or condone their members joining us on a trip.

One such story came from a person who attended the December trip with us. This girl's life was radically changed by the experience as her entire concept of missions was transformed bringing her life, joy and excitement. She could have missed that entire experience if it were up to her place of worship. Did they really do their homework to find out what we're all about? One simple phone call or email? No. If it did not contain a faith billboard then they weren't signing off on it.

I would certainly never claim to be an expert or extremely knowledgeable about ministry in this country or globally. I have worked for or with churches and non-profits across the US but I still have a very limited understanding of all that is out there. I know that there are thousands of churches that are doing amazing things in the world including the one that I attend. But, there seems to be a mindset that I dont know if God ever intended to be present in most churches. That is, many churches believe that by their definition they are the standard of ministry to their community and the world. Regardless of what kind of ministry they are actually involved in locally and globally they believe that their work and mission strategy exceeds that which is taking place in other organizations.

During our last trip to Uganda the team was going through one of the last days of clinic. Everyone was exhausted as they had seen more than 1500 patients and had done an excellent job of treating people with compassion, prayer and meeting people's physical needs across the board. That evening, we were enjoying dinner and a time for people to share about their day, what they had seen and how it had impacted them. Just before we started sharing a man stood up who had visited the clinic with his wife. The man was an American and was looking at the area hoping to learn from some of the things we were doing and have a chance to replicate the work in Northern Uganda.

As he stood up, I anticipate some encouraging words for the group. After all, as an outsider he was coming into a group of people who had given sacrificially of their time and resources to bring healing to struggling people across the world. After a brief introduction of himself, came a phrase that I certainly wasnt expecting..."I have a little constructive criticism for your group". What? Excuse me? Who are you? Did he really just say that? Who let him in here? Can I get him out? Those thoughts and others were running through my head.

As he made his critique known to us it was clear that there was not a real problem of any kind that he was addressing but rather a push of his agenda. He noted (on more than one occasion) that we "really need to consider adding healing prayer" to our ministry. This, of couse, was out of a complete lack of knowledge about what we were doing in the clinic. The problem was though that he really didnt care what we were already doing, he wanted things to be done a certain way and no matter how many times our group or myself personally told him that we offer to pray with every person that comes in the door, it didnt matter because things needed to be done his way or they were worthless.

It's funny to me that this attitude is so common in the church. Everyone really believes that their way of ministering to a person is truly better than what someone else is doing. The scary thing is that it is such a strong feeling that it could cause you to stand up in front of 30 people you've never met and know nothing about and tell them how to do their ministry better when you yourself have done nothing and do not even have the training or ability to minister on the level that they are.

Im sure that there are a lot of people who would really prefer that we identify Palmetto Medical as a faith based organization. Im sure it would make a lot more people comfortable and willing to buy-in to what we're doing. The truth is that there are a lot of days that I would love to do just that - it would certainly be a lot easier. But, I have never had the conviction that we are doing anything other than what Christ has for us and He certainly has blessed what is going on in extreme ways that are shocking to me. It would be hard for me to believe that He would continue to open doors, change people's lives, bring in the resources and guide so clearly if He wasnt happy with the way things are going.

So, I guess we will just have to continue to justify ourselves to the church for now. Im always convinced that the stories of people coming to know Christ and pursue him with unbridled passion will bring down the wall but that wall is tall and wide and it will certainly take time for many fellow believers to understand the potential for ministry outside the box. When they do though they will realize that the way people meet Christ and experience his goodness often takes place outside of a church pew.

I Only Speak Ingles

What a trip. First and foremost what a great time for Hannah and I to spend together. After four and a half years of being married I think that this trip was long overdue. No emails, no cellphones, no meetings, activities or events. Thank the Lord for 10 days with just the two of us realizing again how much fun we have together and how in love we really are as well.

From the get-go I told Hannah that I wanted to her to handle all the details, planning and agenda for the trip. What I had no idea about going into it is how much work she would do to make sure that I was able to enjoy the trip. Every meal, hotel, bus ride, and location was researched and planned ahead of time . She was able to answer questions, make quick changes, work to find the best and cheapest way to do everything. Simple things like making sure I got a great mozzarella and prosciutto sandwich everyday just made me feel very cared for and loved and relaxed knowing that she was taking care of things and I could just soak it all in.

The meals were great and true to form I ate the same thing for lunch and dinner every single day. In fact I still wish I were eating the sandwiches and pizza here in Charleston. It was wonderful to enjoy a glass of wine together before our walk to dinner and then another bottle with our meal. It was great to see Hannah enjoy her gelato especially on the last night when she bargained for a small cup for 1 euro - still not sure how that worked out. Probably the best lunch was in Cinque Terre when we picniced under a staircase to avoid the rain after a long hike up the coast and the best dinner would be a draw between a naples style pizza restaurant or a typical italian dinner at a great little place recommended by Luigi.

Rome was great though it is definitely busier than my typical pace of life. Even though I probably wouldnt spend a lot of time there on our next trip you just cant miss out on several of the sights and museums. I would have to say one of my favorite moments with Hannah in Rome was at dinner on our first night sitting outside and next to the pantheon. An awesome evening that got us off to a great start on the trip. Prosciutto pizza, pasta carbonara, wine and gelato.

Florence was great and somewhere that felt a lot like home. While still definitely being a city it would be more of a Charleston full of great stores, restaurants, delis and wine bars in addition to plenty more great historical places and museums. Without a doubt my favorite time in Italy was at sunset with Hannah at San Miniato looking out over the city. For me, it was one of those places and times that bring peace and as John Eldredge says you feel like God is romancing you through the beauty of what He has done. In the same frame you could see the city, the countryside, and the mountains in the distance. We enjoyed a nice Moretti beer or should I say that Hannah enjoyed it as I took three sips and she took care of the rest...I am definitely not a beer drinker anymore but who wouldve thought Hannah would be? Truthfully, she isnt either but she is so in love with Italy that pretty much anything with an Italian label is good as gold in her eyes.

Cinque Terre was the final stop and probably a great place to end on. Our trip might have been the equivalent of going from NYC to Charleston to Palmetto Bluff. We definitely ended on a peaceful note. CT is beatiful and provided us with the opportunity to have a great hike up the coast and take in amazing sunsets on stone covered beaches. Here again, I would probably have to say that my favorite time with Hannah was on the evening of the 14th when we shared a bottle of red wine and sat on the stones as the waves came in. In that moment there was just really nothing else other than the two of us and those moments are great for my soul.

The trip really brought me back to life. The difference in my head and heart from the time I left and when I came back is drastic. Italy provided an environment for the Lord to speak to me and more importantly for me to listen. I experienced times of prayer that had a closeness and intimacy I havent felt in a long time and I absolutely loved Hannah and cared for her and felt like I knew her more closely than I have felt in some time as well.

I have been to 12 countries this year, more than half of the states in the country, nearly 100 flights and this was one of the most needed. It definitely wont be the last time we go and Im already looking forward to getting back with Hannah. In the meantime though we will be experiencing Uganda together in three weeks from today which Im sure will provide another opportunity for us to grow together.

Prom

As I was sitting in the surf this past weekend I had a moment where I realized something funny about myself that is actually very telling of my personality. Funny how those moments come at the most random times. But, that is also the nature of surfing in that you get to a place mentally when you're on the water that really allows you to think.

My interesting thought that came to me actually had to do with prom. I absoluted hated prom. Why? Because you dance at prom. I hate dancing. I will probably write a completely different thread about dancing at some point because I could definitely go on and on. My realization in regards to prom though was simply that when I was at prom I actually envied the chaperons. While everyone else had to try to act cool and dance their pants off I just wanted to be the guy who stood in the corner, had a mustache and could just observe - not in a child predator way of course even though I just described a really creepy guy.

Anyway, I think that defines me in a lot of ways. Its probably what has earned me the title of peer father in Charleston. I dont know if its as much the fact that I was never really allowed to just be a silly kid and be crazy and goofy or if its that I just have an "older" mind and outlook on things. The truth is that there is nothing appealing still about big parties and dancing and/or things like charades, karaoke, pranks etc.

I think in a lot of ways I need to have more of the heart of a child but its something that I find difficult. There are days I wish I could just be a little more spontaneous, carefree and wild but that hasnt happened yet. Fortunately, I married a wonderful person who are all of those things so she balances me out!

Good Music NTB

I really love music. From playing to listening I think I can appreciate good music of any kind. After starting off my musical life with very fast and heavy music from punk rock to speed metal I have made a nice recovery. I would say that I spend the majority of my time listening to old country, newgrass, some pop radio and definitely rock of any kind.

My normal pattern is that I buy an album and hate it the first time through. But as time goes by I start to really love the music. This has been the case with countless bands and releases.

It is pretty rare that I hear something that I love right off the bat. This has been the case with the band Need to Breathe. Their new album is really good and I have probably listened to the song "Something Beautiful" about a dozen times in the last 24 hours. The song actually brings on a very strong emotion in me from the first line which says "In your ocean Im ankle deep". Just awesome. I would have to say that it is probably one of my favorite worship songs that I have heard in a long time.

I love that a great band with cool guys can manage a level of diversity in their music in a way that they dont need to be pinned down to anything. Its nice to hear something thats a bit different, fresh and well done. Not only that but it also really puts me in a mindset that probably brings more glory to Christ than listening to Metallica.

The Slam

Chris Burden might have had one of the craziest 72 streaks of luck you can have in the SC outdoors during the fall. In that span he shot a nice 8 point buck that was chasing does - he misfired three times on the same deer at 20 yards and ended up shooting it later at 60. He shot a near Boone and Crockett buck on Savage Island the following day at 35 yards after it jumped up in front of him in a field. And, to top it all off, he came up on my boat, outfished me and got a lowcountry slam. I begged him to buy me a lottery ticket but he didnt do it.

It was great to catch up with him though and hear about all that has been going on in Steamboat this year. I think he assumed he was done for the year after taking a nice 6x6 bull elk with the bow but little did he know there was plenty more to come.

Cant believe he and Emily are expecting their second in March! Looking forward to having them back in this neck of the woods starting next spring.

Italy

Well, I guess that Hannah and I are going to Italy. I booked the tickets last night and I feel like we got pretty good airfare so I am happy. Unfortunately, I cant buy airfare on Craigslist but at least if you do your homework you can get a reduced rate.

I dont really know what to think about going there. I am very used to going on trips around the country and the rest of the world with an objective in mind. Sometimes it's to catch fish, chase game animals, catch waves, mission work or a host of other things. But, its not very often I get to go to an area with no real plan in mind other than to just immerse myself in the culture.

I am the most excited about going because Hannah has been wanting to go ever since we got married and I know it was a real dream of hers to do it before we started having children. I am also excited about the history and definitely the food. Its going to be a great time for Hannah and I to get away as well and just spend some time together.

Im sure the wine wont be too bad either...

The Gym

Since this is early on in my blog days I can assure you that this will be the first of many blog posts. Im pretty sure I could probably write an entire book on gym culture and just how crazy a 30 minute trip to the gym can be.

My gym in particular is Golds Gym on James Island. I would say its more of a college kids and young working adults kind of place. Its not really a meathead hangout or a middle aged parent feel. There is plenty of testosterone coupled with scantily clad women but I guess that a gym has really just become a place for single (or not) people to hook up whether straight, homosexual, young or old. So, this is to be expected.

Then there are the things that are not to be expected. Today, there was a man with very short shorts on. When I say short I mean like not really leaving much to the imagination. Couple that with a wife beater tank top and high tube socks, white leather shoes a mustache and the fact that he kept staring at other men...well it made me uncomfortable.

It just makes me wonder what his life is like outside of the gym. Does he have friends that dress like him too? Does he have a wife that told him to dress like that at the gym? Does he think that looks tough? What is his everyday clothing? Am I looking at it?

Maybe I just wish that I could get away with wearing something like that to the gym. For now, I will stick to a t-shirt and boardshorts. No one wants to see me wearing a pair of short shorts.