Gym Class

Where do you even begin? When I was 12 my dad took a job with a company called Northern Automotive that was based in Phoenix, Arizona. Upon my arrival in Phoenix I was entering middle school which is a whole new phase of life for a kid. For me though it was a whole new phase accompanied with all new people, a new landscape and a very different culture.

I can remember the first day that I walked into my new school. Even though I was as shy as ever during that time I can remember thinking that I was pretty much a total and complete badass based on my wardrobe so that gave me some confidence. Im not sure what part of the jean shorts, UGA Football t-shirt or high top black reebok pumps with the orange basketball on the tongue gave me confidence but something did...maybe it was the gold chain I bought at a yard sale in Bristol, TN. For reference, this was about the time that the new Metallica album LOAD came out - the one where they all shaved their pony tails and their music started the downward spiral into what it is now. Nevertheless though, my uncle and I listened to it over and over and over.

Among many other things, gym class when you're in middle school is just weird. Ive never really understood the rationale behind the timing of the class. You have fifty boys who go outside and sweat for an hour and then they go back to class reeking worse than hot trash because only 15% of them have started wearing deodorant and 90% of them are wearing dirty clothes anyway.

I guess thats why they introduced the gym clothes and made everyone wear the same uniform which was clearly hand picked by Coach Edigar. Coach Edigar was a fairly nice man who always wore tank-tops, white leather shoes, a whistle and VERY short cotton gym shorts...semi/completely inappropriate. Even if I didnt care for him that much I will always appreciate the fact that he stood by and watched as Jason (a fat kid) stood over top of Brett (a jock heckler) and beat his face in. We all wanted to do it and I think that Coach may have secretly wanted to do it as well.

I was what you would call a bit of a husky young man. My dad used to try to tell me that the extra weight in my legs would be great for hitting the baseball so I tried to embrace that. Unfortunately, the legs didnt look so good in those gym shorts and truth be told the t-shirt wasnt really big enough either. It was kind of like trying to cover a whale with a beach towell.

As a result of the poorly fitting uniform I decided I wasnt going to wear it and I made up excuses like "I lost it" or "I left it at home". I can remember seeing the disgust in Coach's face that I had once again not aligned myself with the dress code.

What is every heavy kid's absolute worst nightmare? THE PRESIDENTS PHYSICAL FITNESS TEST. This was the one time each year when you could actually confirm everyone's suspicions about how out of shape you were. There in front of everyone you had the chance to that not only were you not fast nor did you have any stamina but you were also able to prove that even though you were big you were actually not that strong.

Here are a few of the highlights:

Chin Up - Let's get one thing straight - fat 12 year old's cant do chin ups. Period. Its just not going to happen. Therefore, making a 12 year old who weighs 190 lbs step up to a bar to attempt a chin up should be some sort of child abuse. I can remember kids going in front of me and doing a dozen chin ups and thinking "Im not even sure if I can hold myself off the ground". In sixth grade it was my turn and after stating that there was no way I could do one I was told to just try. So, I did the classic attempt. I walked up to the bar and put my hands on it. Next, I jumped as high as I could (not very high as you can imagine) and tried to make it look like my leap was a surge of strength. The main problem with that was when I started to come down I clearly had absolutely no control over my muscles and my elbows almost snapped. I think they still may have counted it as one though.

Endurance Run - When its 115 degrees outside the last thing you want to think about is a distance run where you are being judged based on the distance you complete. This is especially the case when you can really only complete one lap on a semi-jog and then you begin walking and spitting because you are so out of breath and your throat is full of crap that you have been hacking up. Fortunately, I figured out a great cover up for this. There was a group of skaters at the time who I kind of hung out with that pretty much did everything they could to ignore the teachers. So, for them they saw walking the whole event as a demonstration of anti-authority. It was at that time that I decided I too was going to be a rebel and if that meant that I had to walk the whole course then I was fine with that.

Sit Ups - It sucks when they make them impossible to fake. Its so much easier to pretend you're doing one when someone isnt sitting on your feet and counting for you. But, of course, that is how the test was structured. I can honestly say that I dont remember much other than that after 25 seconds I was sure of two things. First, I was pretty confident that my head was going to explode all over the person holding my feet. Second, I was pretty sure I was going to throw up all over the person holding my feet. Somehow I managed to survive without disgracing my workout partner.

Thankfully I dont have to do any more physical fitness tests and I actually enjoy going to the gym. Every time I crank out a few chin ups there is an extra sense of pride. Truth be told though I would probably still die in an endurance run.

The boy

Isnt it interesting that you can see a boys penis when he's 17 weeks old? It was interesting to me. That little piece of anatomy will change my life forever. My first child will be a son and I guess Im going to be a dad. That is of course unless Molly misread the renegade ultrasound that we did and its a girl. If its a girl then this blog will need some revision. We'll know Tuesday.

The question comes to mind "what kind of dad will I be?". The truth is though I already know what kind of dad I will be. That is one of the problems with being fairly self aware is that it limits my ability to ever be an idealist or dreamer in situations such as this. I feel acutely aware of what my strengths will be and also what my weaknesses or struggles will be.

Finding out that we are having a boy has been both exciting and daunting to me. A few months ago a friend of mine who now has both a boy and a girl told me something along the lines of having a girl means you can pretty much get away with being a nice guy and smiling a lot. Whereas, having a boy is a completely different level of responsibility.

Part of me really wanted to have a daughter first. Having a daughter would have meant that my inclination to train a child (like a dog) would probably not have been as strong and the more sensitive side of my personality would have probably shown through. The flip side is though that by the time she was in high school that sensitive side would have turned into a passionate, maniacal, protective and controlling guardian. So, perhaps the Lord knew what He was doing with the son first thing.

I feel like Im already aware of the possibility of failing as a father to this boy. My fear of that failure brings it to the forefront of my mind on a regular basis. I think that one of my greatest goals in life will be to have great relationships with my kids. My worst nightmare would be to have a son who doesnt want to be around me or resents me.

I do wonder what he will be interested in? Will he be interested in the same things I am? Will he love the outdoors? What in the world will his personality be like? Will he love drama class and theater and if he does will I be as supportive of that as I would be of other things? What is he going to look like? All of these deserve their own post.

One thing is for sure, he is going to get to go on some fun adventures with his dad. I dont think there will be many other little boys who come back from spring break in 5th grade after going turkey hunting in New Mexico or get to take a week break from school in the fall to go chase deer or elk. He will definitely learn to appreciate a well-organized garage and the importance of guy time. Im sure he'll pick up on how to tell stories. Im sure he'll become a better fisherman than I ever dreamed of being and I have a feeling he'll be pretty comfortable on a surfboard. Overall, I think he will get to be a little boy and have adventures in the woods and in the creeks and get to wear boots and carry a pocket knife long before he probably should.

Right now I think my biggest prayer for this boy is that he feels known. I pray that he grows up in a family where he feels known by his parents. I pray that he enters a relationship with Christ where he understands and embraces that he is fully known. I pray that in my father to son relationship with him that he feels known and understood and supported and loved.