The boy

Isnt it interesting that you can see a boys penis when he's 17 weeks old? It was interesting to me. That little piece of anatomy will change my life forever. My first child will be a son and I guess Im going to be a dad. That is of course unless Molly misread the renegade ultrasound that we did and its a girl. If its a girl then this blog will need some revision. We'll know Tuesday.

The question comes to mind "what kind of dad will I be?". The truth is though I already know what kind of dad I will be. That is one of the problems with being fairly self aware is that it limits my ability to ever be an idealist or dreamer in situations such as this. I feel acutely aware of what my strengths will be and also what my weaknesses or struggles will be.

Finding out that we are having a boy has been both exciting and daunting to me. A few months ago a friend of mine who now has both a boy and a girl told me something along the lines of having a girl means you can pretty much get away with being a nice guy and smiling a lot. Whereas, having a boy is a completely different level of responsibility.

Part of me really wanted to have a daughter first. Having a daughter would have meant that my inclination to train a child (like a dog) would probably not have been as strong and the more sensitive side of my personality would have probably shown through. The flip side is though that by the time she was in high school that sensitive side would have turned into a passionate, maniacal, protective and controlling guardian. So, perhaps the Lord knew what He was doing with the son first thing.

I feel like Im already aware of the possibility of failing as a father to this boy. My fear of that failure brings it to the forefront of my mind on a regular basis. I think that one of my greatest goals in life will be to have great relationships with my kids. My worst nightmare would be to have a son who doesnt want to be around me or resents me.

I do wonder what he will be interested in? Will he be interested in the same things I am? Will he love the outdoors? What in the world will his personality be like? Will he love drama class and theater and if he does will I be as supportive of that as I would be of other things? What is he going to look like? All of these deserve their own post.

One thing is for sure, he is going to get to go on some fun adventures with his dad. I dont think there will be many other little boys who come back from spring break in 5th grade after going turkey hunting in New Mexico or get to take a week break from school in the fall to go chase deer or elk. He will definitely learn to appreciate a well-organized garage and the importance of guy time. Im sure he'll pick up on how to tell stories. Im sure he'll become a better fisherman than I ever dreamed of being and I have a feeling he'll be pretty comfortable on a surfboard. Overall, I think he will get to be a little boy and have adventures in the woods and in the creeks and get to wear boots and carry a pocket knife long before he probably should.

Right now I think my biggest prayer for this boy is that he feels known. I pray that he grows up in a family where he feels known by his parents. I pray that he enters a relationship with Christ where he understands and embraces that he is fully known. I pray that in my father to son relationship with him that he feels known and understood and supported and loved.