Is it just me?

When you're at a pro basketball game and they announce that under 4 people's chairs there are tickets to participate in a halftime shootout for 10K dollars do you:

A.) Immediately reach under your seat to find out if there's a ticket.

B.) Start thinking that there's no way you would ever be that lucky.

C.) Begin pondering what you could do with 10K dollars.

D.) Start panicking that it might be under your seat, worry about making a total idiot of yourself, start trying to find a friend or spouse who could take it if you actually won it and actually get up and leave to avoid even knowing.

Unfortunately, Im a D.

This all started when I was very young. When I was maybe 4 years old I was at a church service at Grove Avenue Baptist in Richmond, VA. There was a ventriloquist (dont ask me why there was a ventriloquist at church - although it was Sunday night and Baptist people really like to think that Sunday night is casual even though its really business casual) at the service and he asked for all the kids to come up on stage. There had to have been 100 kids up there and he said he was going to need one to help him out.

All the kids start screaming and raising their hands. The ALL wanted to be the one he picked. That is, of course, except for me. I actually turned the other way so that he couldnt see my face and tried to hide under the other kids. Actually, I was trying to devise a plan to belly crawl back to my seat without being spotted or maybe make a run for the bathroom. In the midst of my planning I started hearing him calling for someone and as much as I tried to avoid the thought I knew he was calling me.

So, the deal was that I was supposed to be his dummy. I guess this guy couldnt afford actual props so he used live children. I was just supposed to sit there and move my mouth while he did a Donald Duck voice. Well, apparently I misunderstood the instructions because I started trying to do my own Donald Duck voice which was a little rusty since I had never practiced it and I probably just sounded like a hissing cat. About that time the congregation erupted in laughter and the child abusing ventro pointed out that I wasnt doing it right.

I have to imagine that most 4 year olds dont experience humiliation and failure like I did that evening...at least I hope they dont. I felt like I had shamed myself and my family and I wanted to punch that guy in the stomach for choosing me when all I wanted to do was hide.

Im sure that the guy has probably never thought twice about that and he is off making some other shy childs life miserable. But for me, it shook the core of my 4 year old brain and told me several things:

Next time someone asks for children to come up to the front of the stage just act like you're a man and not a child

Follow instructions

Dont talk to ventriloquists

Dont go to church more than once on Sundays

Practice your Donald Duck voice because apparently you may find yourself doing it in front of 1000 people

You are not like other 4 year old children

This is around the time I started my journey into being a senior citizen before the age of 10. Now at 28 Im around 85 years old and as Lindsay points out I like old man candy...malted milk balls and Werthers.

And, just like when I was 4 I find that Im a bit different than most of the other guys around me. Im a calculated, commitment driven, long term planner who doesnt like to be out past 9 and keeps a pretty rigid schedule. Im definitely not what you would call spontaneous, impulsive or goofy.

Thank the Lord for Hannah because without her I would just be a hermit with a very organized cottage.