The least of the gifts

The last couple weeks at church have been a little distracting for me. I love my church and I think I originally was so drawn to it because of the presence of the Holy Spirit but in some ways that seems to have become a challenge for me lately. This last Sunday, I spent the majority of the service reading about Pentacost to refresh my memory on how the Spirit works and how we should respond to it.

I would have to be honest in saying that there are a lot of times that the Holy Spirit makes me pretty uncomfortable. My personality obviously lends itself to structure, rules and organization more times than not so the thought of an unpredictable Holy Spirit that can "fall" on a place and have a drastic impact in a room definitely makes me a bit leary. I like to think of God as being a God of order bu the problem is that in my very limited understanding, my concept of order likely isnt quite that of an omniscient God.

I am also going to have to be honest in saying that I dont struggle with any of the gifts nearly as much as I do tongues. I know that is very judgmental in some ways but there are few things that will rip me right out of worship as quickly as someone who starts yelling out in tongues. I can feel like I am worshiping freely and passionately and then it can be over just like that.

I am definitely willing to throw out there that a lot of that was how I was raised. I was basically taught that "wacko's" speak in tongues and that doesnt really exist here in the United States...only in other parts of the world. Hmm?? Same God, same Holy Spirit but He only does those things in small villages in Egypt. I also grew up in a Southern Baptist Church which Im fairly sure would have done an exorcism if someone would have spoken out in tongues in a worship service.

So, I dont exactly come to this issue with a great framework for my thoughts on this issue. My heart is definitely not to be judgmental but in a lack of knowledge you dont really have anywhere else to go with it other than your own ideas.

I found this passage of scripture pretty interesting this morning:

Pursue love, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts, especially that you may prophesy. For one who speaks in a tongue speaks not to men but to God; for no one understands him, but he utters mysteries in the Spirit. On the other hand, the one who prophesies speaks to people for their upbuilding and encouragement and consolation. The one who speaks in a tongue builds up himself, but the one who prophesies builds up the church. Now I want you all to speak in tongues, but even more to prophesy. The one who prophesies is greater than the one who speaks in tongues, unless someone interprets, so that the church may be built up. I Corinthians 14

If Im reading this correctly then:

• We definitely want the gift of prophesy first and foremost
• Prophesy is regarded more highly than tongues
• Prophesy is used for the edification of the Body of Christ
• Tongues can be used to draw attention to oneself or "build up"
• Paul wants everyone to speak in tongues BUT even more to prophesy
• Tongues can be strengthened or on the same level with prophesy if it is accompanied by interpretation

As always, there is a lot of truth in that passage of Scripture. Its clear to me that I need to be praying and asking for the Lord to give me prophesy to bless and encourage those around me. I also find it highly interesting that even in this passage 2000 years ago Paul recognized that tongues could be used as a way to build yourself up rather than to build Christ up.

I think that is what probably what sets off my alarm more often than not. I am always looking for the authentic experience relationally whether it comes to my friends, ministry or the Lord. I want something that is real which is why Im not always great in big groups or with small talk because I dont really know what to say. I would love the chance to get to know everyone on a deep level but the surface level I completely bomb at.

So when I have a relational encounter with Christ that is on a deeper level and and I feel like I am being ministered to by the Holy Spirit it is a very intimate thing for me. This is why when Im in those moments and someone starts speaking, yelling, praying in tongues and there is no interpretation I feel that the authenticity is at stake and it pushes me away. It makes me feel as though in a moment where God should be receiving the attention it is diverted from him to a worshiper of him. I know because Im the one who's attention is diverted.

Im not saying Im right about any of this. I am sure there are a million things that I could be doing to make this problem better. Im sure Im not submitting, trusting, praying, abiding etc enough to get a clear answer on this or even be secure enough in my own spiritual relationship with Christ that nothing else even matters. But for right now it is something that in my mind seems to lack the substance that I think generally accompanies the work of the Holy Spirit.

The Bible seems to have plenty to say about the topic so I think I'll do some more research.